Not All Relationships are the Same…(printed in the Frederick News Post)

A few weeks back, I wrote a column all about my opinion on open marriages and honesty in relationships. I have to say; I know I’m not an expert on the topic of open marriages, but those of you that are or the ones that responded to me with your reasons why open marriages and relationships work made a lot of sense.

Everyone views their relationship differently; society is not so intent on patterns that follow the old-fashioned anymore. It’s sooo 2010 and instead of pooh-poohing the newness, I need to just sit back and let be what needs to be, well…let be.

I was talking to my friend Abby, who’s just the nicest hot mess you could ever imagine. Now Abby is very opinionated on the topic of “Everyone’s Relationship But The One I Don’t Have”. So much so that she will stick her foot in her mouth with her friends, and even strangers, when it comes to giving advice about their relationships.

Abby was telling me that a few months ago she was in New York City visiting a good friend, and was caught up in a drunken discussion about said friends “poor” relationship. Tossing up her honesty to having way too much sangria, Abby was letting her friend have it – and I mean HAVE it – about how he had not told his current girlfriend that he loved her yet, and they had been dating (GASP!) a whole year.

Abby was so sure of her opinion on this subject and her knowledge about what is supposed, “to be”, that she asked the waiter to weigh in on the topic (alcohol makes you do funny stuff).  Abby of course did not quietly call this man over – Oh no. Abby waved and whistled, ever the quiet and demure class act that she is.  When he walked over, Abby quickly filled him in on her question for him. As he was sitting down at the table, the waiter looked Abby directly in the eye and said, “Girl…is it your relationship?”

“Well, no…” Abby answered (slurred is the proper term).

“Ok, then are you in it?”

“Ummm…No.” (Her eyes were seeing double here).

“Ok then – It’s none of your business. No one knows how things work in any given relationship, so get your nose out of it”, and with a twirl and a wink, he was gone, floating off to the next table.

Abby said it not only shut her up to hear it but it shed light on her little world of thinking that she always knew best. It made her realize that everyone has a different approach in life to affairs of the heart. Hell, she even knows someone that heard “I love you” for the first time and then was broken up with in the same minute…so who says that those three words really mean everything in a relationship?

Personally, when it comes to open marriages, I will be looking at them like this from now on: I know I can’t judge them based on Abby’s lesson she learned. Who am I to say how another person should live their romantic life? What works in one scenario, may not work in another, but none of us should ever judge anyone unless we are truly willing to walk a mile in the other person’s stiletto’s…or flats…or converse. Whatever.  You get it.

Abby’s funny. She told me that she got so much insight into her own judgmental actions that day she wanted to shout it from the rooftops, or at least bellow an apology to all of those folks she had berated for so many years.  I feel like I should do the same…Well, I don’t ever voice my judgments. I just think them when you walk in the room.

Abby’s got one on me there.


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