I was scrolling through the web applications offered for my new iPhone the other day, and I came across one for downloading backgrounds as screensavers. These are either picturesque scenes of nature, cute animals or art, or they have positive sayings, so when your phone is idle you have a cute picture to enjoy or an affirmative thought to read. One particular background selection actually disturbed me, and I am still trying figure out why.
It was a peaceful, serene, meadow scene and the cursive inscription over the picture read, “I Want To Love Someone So Much That They Know Everything About Me”. For the record, I am not a pessimist when it comes to love or relationships or anything romantic, just the opposite actually. Yet, this particular statement made me shake my head. Do we want someone else to know everything about us?
It is actually right in tune with a conversation I had with my cousin, Shelly, last week when I was visiting her. She stated to me that no one that is together for any length of time ever really knows the other person they are with at all. I, being the debater I felt I needed to be that day, proceeded to argue the point with her – Only I found myself understanding her side. It does seem to me that in this day and age you need to get a DNA swab and a background check for anyone you go out on a date with, much less you get married to them. You never know what you are really getting, do you? How many times have women I know wanted a money-back guarantee in their relationships?
Take my friend Laura. A sweet, put together, type-A personality that is the marketing director for a major corporation. She has been happily married for about fifteen years now, has an amazing home near Venice Beach and two children. When I spoke to her recently, I asked her if she had any secrets that her husband was not aware of that only she knew. She laughed as she told me that he still has no idea to this day that she was a stripper for a few years after college. And he never will. As she said, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Then there is my cousin’s friend that was dating someone for 2 years and never told him about her bankruptcy. She said that she thought it was unnecessary information to be passed on, since she felt that they were never that serious anyway. (They are not together anymore actually, so she obviously made the right decision.)
Personally, after hearing these stories and thinking about this, I decided to take stock in how forthcoming I had been in my relationships past. Let’s just say, I have no filter. I realized that I seem to offer my own personal information as trust is earned, in a slow-leak kind of way. Are there certain things I never divulge? I can think of one or two I probably should not – Actually I can think of twelve – Yet, with the right amount of wine, I am a modern day version of “Deep Throat”. My own worst enemy. Enemy mine.
Would I change this about myself, since I know other women think that too much information given out is only to be used against us in the future? No. I am who I am and I cannot regret that. I will always spill too many secrets and laugh too loudly at my self, but hold back info? No way. I guess at some point I may find someone that believes in that, too.